Wine Chat, with your host Stacey McLachlan

I am drinking at my desk at work right now. It’s okay! Other people are drinking too! They just happen to be down the hall and together and not “here” with “me” per se. But don’t worry about me. After all, it’s just wine! Wine never hurt anybody, especially white wine. It’s like the saying goes, “See-through wine? You’re doing fine!” In fact, I’ve discovered that because “wine” rhymes with “fine” you can always feel good about whatever activity you’re pairing your vino with.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLES:

“Early to wine, you’re doing fine.”

“Whiskey before wine, you’re doing fine.”

“White wine is fine, red wine is fine.”

“Wine after whiskey, never get sick-skey.”

Wine is the drink of Fine Gentlemen and Pregnant Europen Ladies everywhere. Whether swilling it from a paper bag or, ideally, a jug marked with three crude X’s, a glass of “the nectar of the gods” adds a touch o’ class to your character. Why don’t you join the club? I know some people out there don’t have a taste for it (“There’s not enough Sprite in here. Please add more”, “I’m a recovering alcoholic” et cetera) but I’ve found a little education goes a long way to enjoying the “preferred beverage of loveable hobos”. Thankfully, I know plenty about wine, because my former roommate used to work at a liquor store, and because one time I thought about making Sangria in my bathtub.

What's the difference between red wine and white wine?
Red wine is infused with rainbows, which is why it's so expensive and pairs well with unicorn meat. White wine, though, you can make at home yourself by just adding eight shots of vodka to some apple juice.

Why are there so many different sizes and styles of wine glasses?
Great question, COMMUNIST. We have a variety of glass types because this is DEMOCRACY and we respect a woman's right to CHOOSE.

What's the correct way to taste wine?
Swill the glass around to aerate the wine; slurp some through your teeth, and swish around in your mouth. This will give you time to think of a hilarious tasting note analysis that are sure to impress everyone on your wine tour ("I taste a hint of grapes!" "Does anyone else detect ketchup?" "I'm definitely getting beluga undertones").

What wine offers the best value?
Beer.